I’m going to make a small confession here. With the exceptions of hardware stores and Fry’s Electronics I’m not really big on “shopping”, at least not when “shopping” translates to, “Wandering around aimlessly with no intent to really buy anything for hours at a time”.  I’m more of the hunter type. Give me a list and I will take each item, make a plan of attack as to what order to find them in and then hunt it, kill it, and drag it home with a particular focus on beating previous records on time spent in the store. So believe me when I tell you that shopping in a foreign country can sometimes be one of the most frustrating things that you can possibly do, at least if you’re like me.

Now, let me be clear. I’m not talking about browsing around in a touristy area for some vacation keepsake. Since we live here we have to go and buy food and other stuff just like if were were back home in Charleston. The difference? Nearly everything you’re used to is altered, even if it’s just a little, and it can throw you off balance. Hilariously so.

Now, there are some basics that are the same. They do have stores that are like Wal-Mart and Target (Ipercoop and Auchan) but you also have smaller individual stores where you get just dairy products, or meat, or whatever else. Since we’re used to one-stop shopping we often use the former. Even these, however, present some challenges. The first time we went shopping we went to an Auchan which is a French store that to me is a lot like Target. Interestingly enough they aren’t single stores though. Both Auchan and Ipercoop are (as far as I’ve seen anyway) always attached to other stores like a mall in the States, food court and all (you gotta have a place to get your espresso you know). When we got into the Auchan itself it dawns on us just how little Italian we knew. We could enthusiastically say “Hello!” and then stare at somebody while they talked to you as if you have any idea what they’re saying. I’ve gotten used to this “I’m a 2 year old” feeling (at this point my standard phrase is “Mi dispiace, no Italiano”, which mean’s “I’m sorry, no Italian” which I usually follow in English with “I’m an idiot”).  This doesn’t really become an issue until you go to check out, or in our case leave, but that comes later. This particular time we weren’t trying to buy anything, we were just looking around and figuring out what all they had (I found that they have Lego’s and an electronics department so there is a comfort zone in there). As we wandered around we found out that English is actually scattered around all over the place on different things like labels and such (not to mention about 85% of the music playing is American). Sadly the one place that you’re not likely to find English is on the “preparation” part of a food label. Believe me, there’s nothing like using Google Translate when cooking dinner while doing metric conversions to inspire confidence in what you’re going to eat (this is for myself only, Amy does a wonderful job).

Now, when it comes to food there is an important word to know, “Equine”. Right, wrong, or indifferent, they eat horse meat here and there is a section in the meat department labeled as such. We were pre-warned, but it still looks weird every time I see it. Every time I walk past it I want to say “Wilbur…” in my best Mr Ed voice and “count” on one foot but I’m afraid the ironic genius of the joke would be lost on everyone there. It’s a shame really.

Vegetable shopping also is a little different. Each produce is assigned a number like say, 52. You then bag up however much you would like (using the provided disposable plastic one-size-fits all gloves) and then take it to a little machine where you weigh it and tell it what number it is. The machine then spits out a little bar coded tag and you stick it on the bag, this way the check out person doesn’t have to do it. It’s not a bad idea really, except you have to line up for it, and Italian’s “queue” up for anything like 5 year olds getting cake at a birthday party. Don’t leave more than a few molecules between your and the next person or they’ll cram in there like it’s the end piece with the extra icing.

As we decided to leave we were then faced with the question of how exactly you exit this place? Our experience up until that point was that of other larger stores like Euronics (it’s like a BestBuy). Those stores have a strict entrance and exit. You go in one, you go out the other. Very simple. Auchan and Ipercoop, however, are a little different. The entire store front is open to the mall and each of the check out lines immediately exits to into the mall walkway. The entrance is a big open area usually on the right hand side of the store. As we approached a closed lane to walk out a lady working there started talking to us really fast until she saw that unmistakable “I’m really sorry but I have no idea what you’re saying” look on our faces and she let us through anyway (as a side note, the next time we went there it turned out we didn’t buy anything either and before we left Amy jokingly said, “Ok, pick out something to buy so we can leave.” )  Apparently they would prefer you leave out the same way you come into the store if you’re not buying something, who knew? If you do go out one of the little gates at a closed checkout counter it sets off an alarm like those detector things we have in the states…just FYI…oops.

Some other interesting but important tidbits. All the bathrooms are “mall” bathrooms. There is no potty in any of the stores. This can be a painful yet valuable lesson to learn firsthand, especially if you’re in the middle of shopping by yourself.

Carts are locked together in the parking lot with this little device on each handle that accepts a 50cent, 1 Euro, or 2 Euro coin that lets you “rent” it and get your money back when you get done with it. Another good idea, but one that should be remembered before you go inside and more importantly before you leave the house so you can have one of those three coins in your pocket. I have had many a cappuccino just to get some change back to get a cart (and if you’re not fast enough this can cause issues concerning that little bathroom revelation).  They do have little red baskets that you can roll around but if you have toilet paper or paper towels on your list you can forget it, it ain’t gonna fit.

Speaking of lists. I have developed a love/hate relationship with them at this point. They’re a useful guideline but what you found last time isn’t necessarily going to be there next time. It will be there again eventually but they seem to restock at random intervals that only God and the guy who does the reordering knows for sure. You can only hope that if toilet paper is on it, it’s one of the “good” days.

There are countless other things that can make you stop and go “Uh…..” but to list them all would get rid of future posts. Suffice it to say that when you’re a “hunter” shopper it’s not quite yet familiar territory and you don’t always know what’s in season. Those time records are really going to take a hit.

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